- interviewing with assclowns, aka: tl;dr
- March 24th, 2010
On Monday morning, I was woken up (at like 11) by a woman called Magnolia calling to invite me to interview for a job. I thought she said something about insurance... I was tired and confused... so I gratefully agreed to come to this interview. Well I looked up the company later and it was and investing corporation, not and insurance company. So I'm like... greeeaaat... Then I do further research and it's not only an investing corp, but it's a terrible place to work. Lots of people complaining about having to pay for on the job training and ending up in debt after taking the job (as opposed to, yanno, making money). Lots more complaints about the interviewing process- things like "they interview for hours and then ask you to pay for your licensing afterward, stuff like that. So I was less than excited about my decision to interview for these buttwads. And then I started getting stressed about it, cus fuck, I didn't want to go waste my time on a job I'm not interested in; and on top of that, I had to wear "professional attire" which apparently means a suit which I didn't own.
Anyway, I talked to my mom about it and she told me I needed a suit anyway. So I went out to buy one. Let me tell you, buying suits is a poop. And I hate shopping, so it was a double poop. I ended up wandering around the mall for fucking hours searching for a suit that wasn't complete ass. I finally found one that I could stand and shelled out 200 bucks for it. I was not a happy camper. No. Much worse than that. If I have to spend more than seven dollars, I'm not a happy camper. So I turned into AmberRageBitch. And I still wasn't done shopping. I needed a stupid fucking button up collar shirt thingy. I thought: this shouldn't be hard to shop for right? Wrong. Fucking wrong. Apparently nobody likes to make them anymore. So I ran all around the mall all over again searching for a stupid fucking shirt and when I finally found some- they didn't fit. No size fit. They weren't made for women with breasts, and unfortunately for me, I have breasts. So once I found a size that fit nicely on my waste, it would barely shut around my tits; and if I found a size to fit over my tits, I would have to get a potbelly to fill the damn thing out. At this point I'm on the verge of homicide. So I rage quit shopping. I called Darren, who was wandering around the mall/surrounding area, to pick me up and take me the hell away. Long story short: $200 later I hated EVERYTHING.
Ok so, today I went to that interview in my new suit which, now that I'm no longer in a fit of rage, I actually like. I knew going in that I wasn't interested in the job (but it's not like I could have called after I accepted the interview to tell them to shove it), but I just had to keep telling myself that it was good practice. Anyway, I got in there and all the scathing remarks I'd read about the interview process were dead on. I had to try not to laugh. I sat through a one and a half hour powerpoint presentation about how awesome the company is. It went a little something like this: MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEYMONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY. Except a lot longer. But basically the guy stood up there and tried to sell me, and three other applicants, a sales job. And when I say sell, I mean it. You don't get paid until you find your own clientele base (which could take upwards of 6 months) but you still get money from the company because you are BORROWING it from the company. So after shelling out $800 to get certified in financing, you have to take out a loan from the company every "paycheck" to live off of, pay your bills, etc... Also, there is no baseline salary, you make money SOLELY on commission. Also there are no benefits. No wonder people end up in debt after taking the job.
So finally, I got into the one on one interview. I was asked the routine questions. I answered the routine questions. And when he asked if I was still interested, I basically told him no. They're looking for someone to stay there and work with the same people's finances for... well forever, and I want to go back to school. I'm not ready for a career, and I told them that. Politely. Because contrary to popular belief I can be very polite. So thanked me for my honesty and we parted ways permanently. Thank gawd. But dammit, I did it! I went to my first professional interview and I did pretty well, if I do say so myself. Even if my pants may or may not have been unzipped the entire time. Classy as usual.
And now: back to unemployment.